Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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