I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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