I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
No subtext here. People are naked.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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