He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
