If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
