you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
