My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Help me help you realize you are a moron
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
