I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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