my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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