at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I am spending my child support on dildos
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
