Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
