Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
