Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
