I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
