I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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