So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just cropdusted the office
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I can't put those talents on a resume
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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