I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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