Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
