Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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