I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize