i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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