i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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