you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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