Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
