I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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