for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
