You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
