Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
