How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
