I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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