does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
ttyl tear gas
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
