its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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