Will you blow on my dice?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
