I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
