Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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