So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
