why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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