i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
