oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
