There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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