i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
