dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
