you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
