just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
