guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
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