there was a trapeze. enough said
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
