Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
