Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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