U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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