Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize