We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize