$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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