dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Someone signed my nipple.
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