I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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