Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize