This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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