i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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