It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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