Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
