ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize