Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
