her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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