Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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