I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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