People in love make me want to vomit
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
