my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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