It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
