I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize