I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
