I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
