Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
