It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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