My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
