I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
