i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
