i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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