He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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