you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
