I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
