wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
