I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
please don't ironically join a cult
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