My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
