Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
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