Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
