Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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