I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
