She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
