at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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