Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
