u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
