So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
