In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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