Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
