I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
