Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
