what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Randomize
