My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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