i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
