Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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