just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize