The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
