You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
