so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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