Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
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