I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
