In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
