Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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