Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
