If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize