Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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