Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
