I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
