Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
