Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
