meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
